4,269 votes

Voting in Round of 64 ended on August 13, 2018

Round of 64 - Legally Simpson

1 versus 16

  • 74.21% - I've argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer.
  • 25.29% - I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.

2 versus 15

  • 54.33% - That's why   you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.    
  • 45.67% -  there's "the   truth" [shakes head] and "the truth." [smiles wide]    

3 versus 14

  • 37.56% - If there's   one thing this world needs, it's more lawyers. Could you imagine a world   without lawyers?    
  • 62.44% - "Uh oh, we've drawn   Judge Snider He's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.   Except replace the word kinda with repeatedly, and the word dog with   son."    

4 versus 13

  • 60% - Mr.   Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my   suit against the film "The NeverEnding Story".    
  • 40% - This all   goes back to the Frank Wallbanger case of '78. How about that! I looked   something up! These books behind me don't just make the office look good,   they're filled with useful legal tidbits just like that!    

5 versus 12

  • 35.8% - “Mr.   Simpson, I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often. But you, sir, are the   greatest America hero in American history.”    
  • 64.2% - Oh, sure, like lawyers   work in big skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a   belt. That's Hollywood for you.    

6 versus 11

  • 43.26% - I have a  fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more   surprising than the last.    
  • 56.74% - No, money   down! Oops, shouldn't have this bar association logo here either.    

7 versus 10

  • 77.84% - Do these   sound like the actions of a man who had "all he could eat?"    
  • 22.16% - Your honor,   I feel so confident of Marge Simpson’s guilt that I can waste the court’s   time by rating the super-hunks!    

8 versus 9

  • 40.68% - Getting out   of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all  races.   
  • 59.32% - This  verdict is written on a cocktail napkin. And it still says   "guilty." And "guilty" is spelled wrong!    

Round of 64 - Homerisms

1 versus 16

  • 70.54% - I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!    
  • 29.46% “In   America, first you get the sugar, then you get the women, then you get the   money.”    

2 versus 15

  • 59.38% - You don’t   win friends with salad.    
  • 40.62% - Just   because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.    

3 versus 14

  • 54.03% - It takes two to lie,   Marge. One to lie and one to listen.    
  • 45.97% - Don’t blame me, I voted   for Kodos.    

4 versus 13

  • 67.18% - You tried   your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try.    
  • 32.82% - no TV and no beer make   Homer go something something    

5 versus 12

  • 18.25% - I call the   big one “Bitey.”    
  • 81.75% - To alcohol! The cause of,   and solution to, all of life’s problems.    

6 versus 11

  • 27.05% - The waiting   game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos.    
  • 72.95% - For once maybe someone   will call me 'sir' without adding 'you're making a scene.'    

7 versus 10

  • 62.5% - Stupid sexy   Flanders.    
  • 37.5% - Marge, I’m   going to miss you so much; and it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food   preparation.    

8 versus 9

  • 79.37% - You’ll have   to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.    
  • 20.63% - I know you   can read my thoughts too, boy. Meow meow meow meow….    

Round of 64 - Series Regulars

1 versus 16

  • 76.52% - Everything’s coming up Milhouse!    
  • 23.48% - There’s a   4:30 in the morning now?    

2 versus 15

  • 75.65% - Excellent    
  • 24.35% - I can’t believe you don’t   shut up.    

3 versus 14

  •  72.32% - Smithers,   release the hounds.    
  •  27.68% - Hi diddly ho   neighborinos!    

4 versus 13

  •  81.25% - It was the   best of times, it was the “blurst” of times? You stupid monkey!     
  • 18.75% -  Hey-hey, kids!    

5 versus 12

  • 69.09% - Am I so out   of touch? No. It’s the children who are wrong.    
  • 30.91% - Can't sleep, clown will   eat me. Can't sleep, clown will eat me    

6 versus 11

  • 37.17% - “I’m cold   and there are wolves after me.”    
  • 62.83% - Dental   plan! (Lisa needs braces.)     

7 versus 10

  • 51.35% - Just hook   it to my veins!     
  • 48.65% - in those   days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. "Give me five bees for   a quarter" you'd say.    

8 versus 9

  •  54.55% - Look at   them all, through the darkness I am bringing. They're not sad at all. They're   actually singing. They sing without juicers. They sing without blenders. They   sing without flungers, cabdabblers, and smendlers!    
  • 45.45% - We want chilly-willy! We   want chilly-willy!    

Round of 64 - Bit Players and Guests

1 versus 16

  • 71.96% - I,   for one, welcome our new insect overlords.    
  • 28.04% - It’s a perfectly   cromulent word.    

2 versus 15

  • 59.8% - We Germans   are not all smiles and sunshine.    
  • 40.2% - And always twirling,   twirling, twirling towards freedom!    

3 versus 14

  • 50% - Hi, I’m   Troy McClure. You might remember me from…    
  • 50% - My cat’s   breath smells like cat food.    

4 versus 13

  • 45.63% - I moved   here from Canada, and they think I'm slow, eh?    
  • 54.37% - Well,   Seymour, you are an odd fellow. But I must say, you steam a good ham.    

5 versus 12

  • 57.43% - I was   saying “Boo-urns.”    
  • 42.57% - Worst.   Episode. Ever.    

6 versus 11

  • 69.61% - Me fail   english? That's unpossible!    
  • 30.39% - If a cow   ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about.    

7 versus 10

  • 41% - Why must you turn my   office into a house of lies?    
  • 59% - Don’t make   me run! I am full of chocolate.    

8 versus 9

  • 32.99% - Solar   power! When will people learn?    
  • 67.01% - No one who   speaks German could be an evil man.    

The long list

Homerisms

     

· I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

 

· You don’t win friends with salad.

 

· It takes two to lie, Marge. One to lie and   one to listen.

 

· You tried your best, and you failed   miserably. The lesson is: Never try.

 

· I call the big one “Bitey.”

 

· The waiting game sucks. Let’s play Hungry   Hungry Hippos.

 

· Stupid sexy Flanders.

 

· You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.

 

· I know you can read my thoughts too, boy.   Meow meow meow meow….

 

· Marge, I’m going to miss you so much; and   it’s not just the sex; it’s also the food preparation.

 

· For once maybe someone will call me 'sir'   without adding 'you're making a scene.'

 

· To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to,   all of life’s problems.

 

· no TV and no beer make Homer go something   something

 

· Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos.

 

· Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I   don’t understand.

 

· “In America, first you get the sugar, then   you get the women, then you get the money.”

 

· Hey buddy, did you get a load of the nerd?

 

· Where you going? Father son picnic. Heh heh,   you don't have a son!

 

· Tramamampoline

 

· “It was a pornography store. I was buying   pornography.”

 

· “You’ll release the dogs, or the bees, or the   dogs with bees in their mouths, and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?”

 

· “…You’re in direct competition with each   other! Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!”

 

· To start, press any key. Where’s the ANY key?

 

· I’m like that guy who single-handedly built   the rocket & flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

 

· Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to   prove anything that's even remotely true.

 

· Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't   strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the   American way.

 

· Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to   hate what you hate!

 

· Donuts...is there anything they CAN'T do?

 

· Yeah, I've been pokin' em, teasin' 'em,   singin' off-key.

 

· I would kill everyone in this room for a drop   of sweet beer.

 

· Here’s a witty retort for you.

 

· Hello, dean? You're a stupid-head!

 

· No deer for a month!

 

· Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling   out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals!   Except the weasel.

 

· I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're   up there, please save me superman.

 

· English, who needs that? I'm never going to   england

 

· Stupid TV! Be more funny!

 

· Operator! Give me the number for 911

 

· Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a   seat. It also gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of   myself.

 

· How is education supposed to make me feel   smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some of the old   stuff out of my brain.

 

· Don't worry, Marge. America's healthcare   system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain... well, all of   Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

 

· Oh my God, Marge. A penalty shot with only   four seconds left. It's your child versus mine! The winner will be showered   with praise; the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore!

 

· Save me, Jebus! 

 

· My gastronomic rapacity knows no satiety.

 

· Your mother seems really upset about   something. I better go have a talk with her -- during the commercial. 

 

· I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone   listens to me -- no matter how dumb my suggestions are.

 

· All right brain, you don't like me, and I   don't like you. But let's just get me through this, and I can get back to   killing you with beer.

 

· Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had   inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but   those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.

 

· Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm   the magical man from Happyland, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by   the way: I was being sarcastic.

 

· Remember when I took that home wine-making   course and forgot how to drive?

 

· Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was   drunk!

 

· Excuse me, Buzz, if that IS your real name. I   believe there's still something called the swimsuit competition.

 

· Hey Homer, way to get Marge pregnant! This is   getting very abstract, but thank you, I am enjoying my new job at the bowling   alley!

 

· Oh, so they have internet on computers now!

 

·
  “Lisa, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that life is just one crushing defeat   after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”

 

· Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As   an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them   instead, please give me no sign whatsoever...thy will be done.

 

· Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters   are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

 

· Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a   bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit   the referee with the whiskey bottle.

 

· The three little sentences that will get you   through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss. Number   3: It was like that when I got here.

 

· I think Smithers picked me because of my   motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm   around.

 

· Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and   it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility   of more donuts to come.

 

· Now we play the waiting game…Ahh, the waiting   game sucks. Let’s play Hungry Hungry Hippos!

 

· Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean that I   don’t understand.

 

· When a woman says nothing’s wrong, that means   everything’s wrong. And when a woman says everything’s wrong, that means   everything’s wrong. And when a woman says something’s not funny, you’d better   not laugh your ass off.

 

· Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a   Q-tip!

 

· Marge, you being a cop makes you the   man...which makes me the woman. I have no interest in that, besides   occasionally wearing the underwear, which, as we discussed, is strictly a   comfort thing.

 

· Oh, and how is "education" supposed   to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes   some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making   course and I forgot how to drive?

 

· Son, when you participate in sporting events,   it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

 

· If you're going to get mad at me every time I   do something stupid, then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!

Series Regulars

     

· Everything’s coming up Milhouse!

 

· Excellent

 

· Smithers, release the hounds.

 

· It was the best of times, it was the “blurst”   of times? You stupid monkey! 

 

· Am I so out of touch? No. It’s the children   who are wrong.

 

· “I’m cold and there are wolves after me.”

 

· Just hook it to my veins! 

 

· Look at them all, through the darkness I am   bringing. They're not sad at all. They're actually singing. They sing without   juicers. They sing without blenders. They sing without flungers, cabdabblers,   and smendlers!

 

· We want chilly-willy! We want chilly-willy!

 

· in those days, nickels had pictures of   bumblebees on them. "Give me five bees for a quarter" you'd say.

 

· Dental plan! (Lisa needs braces.) 

 

· Can't sleep, clown will eat me. Can't sleep,   clown will eat me

 

· Hey-hey, kids!

 

· Hi diddly ho neighborinos!

 

· I can’t believe you don’t shut up.

 

· There’s a 4:30 in the morning now?

 

· I wash myself with a rag on a stick

 

· Bake him away, toys.

 

· Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

 

· I can't wait to eat that monkey.

 

· Attention everyone: the punch has been   spiked! Don't worry, your parents have been called and will be here to pick   you up shortly!

 

· A Simpson never gives up until he’s done one   easy thing.

 

· Well, whenever I’m confused, I just check my   underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions

 

· I didn’t think it was physically possible,   but this both sucks and blows.

 

· You kissed a girl? That is so gay!

 

· Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I   have the bowl?

 

· Stop saying “Gummi.” You’re making me nuts.

 

· Have the Rolling Stones killed.

 

· Lord Palmerston!

 

· I’m just your memory. I can’t give you any   new information. 

 

· One of them *American* robot cars.

 

· Man, that just kept going, didn’t it?

 

· I've said jiminy jillickers so many times,   the words have lost all meaning!

 

· What's the opposite of pride? Shame? No, not   that far from shame. Less shame? Yeah.

 

· I'm sorry for the running you over prank.   Prank?

 

· Aw, they were about to show some close-ups of   the rod.

 

· Bette and I owned a racehorse together:   Crippler.

 

· I'd like to digress from my prepared remarks   to discuss how I invented the terlet.

 

· If you can think of a better way to make ice,   I'd like to hear it.

 

· I used to be with it. But then they changed   what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd.   It'll happen to you.

 

· “Sorry mom, the mob has spoken.”

 

· “Ahoy ahoy?”

 

· “My god! It’s like a party in my mouth and   everyone’s invited.”

 

· Dear Mr. President, there are too many states   nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

 

· Oh just about everything is a sin. Have you   ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not allowed to go to the   bathroom.

 

· Milhouse, there is no such thing as a soul.   It’s just something parents made up to scare children, like the boogeyman or   Michael Jackson.

 

· I'm really sorry... I kind of traded your   soul to the guy at the comic book store. But look! I got some cool pogs. Alf   pogs! Remember Alf? He's back... in pog form!

 

· Mattingly! I thought I told you to trim those   sideburns!

 

· Remember the time he ate my goldfish, and you   lied to me and said I never had any goldfish. Then why’d I have the bowl,   Bart? Why did I have the bowl? 

 

· Homer, you're dull as a mule and twice as   ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!

 

· Daaaaa-rryl....Daaaaaa-rryl....Daaaaaa-rryl

 

· I can’t promise I’ll try. But I’ll try to   try.

 

· I used to be with it, but then they changed   what “it” was.

 

· Where'd you get the knife? I stole it from   that Borgnine guy.

 

· “Since the beginning of time, man has yearned   to destroy the sun.”

 

· Thanks to you, I’ve rediscovered a form of   shame that’s gone unused for seven hundred years.

 

· Let’s sacrifice him to our god! Come on, we   did it all the time in the thirties

 

· They say the greatest tragedy is when a   father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can   see an upside to it!

 

· Milhouse, we're living in the age of cooties.   I can't believe the risk you're running. Besides, what's so great about   kissing?

 

· Trust me, Bart, it’s better to walk in on   both your parents than on just one of them.

 

· Okay, I'm going to keep this short. Friends,   family, religion. These are the demons you must slay if you wish to succeed   in business. Any questions?

 

· I've done everything the Bible says - even   the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

Legal Simpson

     

· I've argued in front of every judge in this   state. Often as a lawyer.

 

· That's why you're the judge and I'm the   law-talking guy.

 

· If there's one thing this world needs, it's   more lawyers. Could you imagine a world without lawyers?

 

· Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of   fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film "The NeverEnding   Story".

 

· “Mr. Simpson, I don’t use the word ‘hero’   very often. But you, sir, are the greatest America hero in American history.”

 

· I have a fool proof strategy to get you out   of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last.

 

· Do these sound like the actions of a man who   had "all he could eat?"

 

· Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick   is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

 

· This verdict is written on a cocktail napkin.   And it still says "guilty." And "guilty" is spelled   wrong!

 

· Your honor, I feel so confident of Marge   Simpson’s guilt that I can waste the court’s time by rating the super-hunks!

 

· No, money down! Oops, shouldn't have this bar   association logo here either.

 

· Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big   skyscrapers and have secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt. That's   Hollywood for you.

 

· This all goes back to the Frank Wallbanger   case of '78. How about that! I looked something up! These books behind me   don't just make the office look good, they're filled with useful legal   tidbits just like that!

 

· "Uh oh, we've drawn Judge Snider He's   had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog. Except replace the word   kinda with repeatedly, and the word dog with son."

 

· there's "the truth" [shakes head]   and "the truth." [smiles wide]

 

· I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The   sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.

 

· The jury objects to the term   "urine-soaked hell hole" when you could have said   "peepee-soaked heck hole."

 

· Do you want your son to become Chief Justice   of the Supreme Court or a sleazy male stripper?

 

· As of this moment, Lionel Hutz no longer   exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

 

· I rest my case. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that   was just a figure of speech! Case closed.

 

· You let me down, man. Now I don't believe in   nothing no more. I'm going to law school.

Bit Players and Guests

       

· I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

 

· We Germans are not all smiles and sunshine.

 

· Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me   from…

 

· I moved here from Canada, and they think I'm   slow, eh?

 

· I was saying “Boo-urns.”

 

· Me fail english? That's unpossible!

 

· Why must you turn my office into a house of   lies?

 

· Solar power! When will people learn?

 

· No one who speaks German could be an evil   man.

 

· Don’t make me run! I am full of chocolate.

 

· If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you   and everyone you care about.

 

· Worst. Episode. Ever.

 

· Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow. But I   must say, you steam a good ham.

 

· My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

 

· And always twirling, twirling, twirling   towards freedom!

 

· It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

 

· You've tried the best, now try the rest! Call   1-600-DOCTORB. The "B" is for "bargain!"

 

· Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year, at   this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your   kitchen!?! 

 

· My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

 

· Sit perfectly still. Only I may dance.

 

· Ohhh, I've wasted my life. 

 

· Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?

 

· There goes the last lingering thread of my   heterosexuality.

 

· I will have a single plum, floating in   perfume, served in a man’s hat.

 

· “I see you’ve played knifey spooney before.”

 

· “Put it in ‘H’!”

 

· I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:   Democracy simply doesn’t work.

 

· Well if if isn't my old friend Mr. McGreg.   With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg!

 

· From here, they appear to be tied. But I will   go in for a closer look. [time passes] Upon closer inspection, I am wearing   loafers.

 

· I choo choo choose you.

 

· Do *you* come with the car?

 

· Here are some words that rhyme with Corey.

 

· Hey, Ma! Get off the dang roof!

 

· I shall send you to Heaven, before I send you   to Hell.

 

· Not the elephants!

 

· And to show you we're serious … you have 12   hours.

 

· Could this town be any more stupid?

 

· I’ll thank you not to refer to Princeton that   way!

 

· Last night’s ‘Itchy and Scratchy Show’ was,   without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet   within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.

 

· Hello, that sounds like a pig fainting!

 

· Hey, funboys! Get a room!

 

· “My son’s name is also Bort.”

 

· “Up and at them!”

 

· You shot who in the what now?

 

· “It’s a perfectly cromulent word’.

 

· Oh, I’m uh.. on a road, uh.. looks to be   asphelt. Um, ah geez, trees, shrubs um…. I’m directly under the earths sun…   nnnow!

 

· This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male   suspect, driving a…car of some sort, heading in the direction of…you know,   that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

 

· Uh, no you’ve got the wrong number. This is   9-1… 2.

 

· The knee bone's connected to the something.   The something's connected to the red thing. The red thing's connected to my   wrist watch... Uh oh.

 

· It makes no difference who you vote for!   Either way your Planet is Doomed! Doomed!

 

· Talkin' out of turn…that’s a paddlin'

 

· Arrrr, I don't know what I'm doin’.

 

· Well, McGarnagle ... BIlly is dead!

 

· I'm sure he'll make a grand piano!

 

· Things aren't as happy as they used to be   down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for   philosophy majors. Useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

 

· “Well, Homer. I earned your respect. And all   I had to do was save your life. Now, if every other gay person could save   your life, we’d be set.”

 

· The doctor said I wouldnt have so many   nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

 

· Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed   robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

 

· Unshrink you? Well that would require some   sort of a Rebigulator, which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me want to   laugh out loud and chortle… 

 

· Get yer Haggis! Sheep's Lungs and Heart   boiled in the wee beast's stomach! Tastes as good as it sounds! Get it while   it's hot! Ach!

 

· Let's look at a picture book. 'The Big Book   of British Smiles'

 

· If tears could burst through my muscular   ducts I would cry like a baby who was just hit by a hammer.

 

· MENDOZAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!